Ink-Stained Wretches: The Battle for the Soul of Digital Freedom Taking Place Inside Your Printer Since its founding in the 1930s, Hewlett-Packard has been synonymous with innovation, and many's the engineer who had cause to praise its workhorse oscillators, minicomputers, servers, and PCs. But since the turn of this century, the company's changed its name to HP and its focus to sleazy ways to part unhappy printer owners from their money. Printer companies have long excelled at this dishonorable practice, but HP is truly an innovator, the industry-leading Darth Vader of sleaze, always ready to strong-arm you into a "deal" and then alter it later to tilt things even further to its advantage. The company's just beat its own record, converting its "Free ink for life" plan into a "Pay us $0.99 every month for the rest of your life or your printer stops working" plan. Plenty of businesses offer some of their products on the cheap in the hopes of stimulating sales of their higher-margin items: you've probably heard of the "razors and blades" model (falsely) attributed to Gillette, but the same goes for cheap Vegas hotel rooms and buffets that you can only reach by running a gauntlet of casino "games," and cheap cell phones that come locked into a punishing, eternally recurring monthly plan. Printers are grifter magnets, and the whole industry has been fighting a cold war with its customers since the first clever entrepreneur got the idea of refilling a cartridge and settling for mere astronomical profits, thus undercutting the manufacturers' truly galactic margins. This prompted an arms race in which the printer manufacturers devote ever more ingenuity to locking third-party refills, chips, and cartridges out of printers, despite the fact that no customer has ever asked for this. Lexmark: First-Mover Advantage But for all the dishonorable achievements of the printer industry's anti-user engineers, we mustn't forget the innovations their legal departments have pioneered in the field of ink- and toner-based bullying. First-mover advantage here goes to IBM, whose lawyers ginned up an (unsuccessful) bid to use copyright law to prevent a competitor, Static Controls, from modifying used Lexmark toner cartridges so they'd work after they were refilled. A little more than a decade after its failure to get the courts to snuff out Static Controls, Lexmark was actually sold off to Static Controls' parent company. Sadly, Lexmark's aggressive legal culture came along with its other assets, and within a year of the acquisition, Lexmark's lawyers were advancing a radical theory of patent law to fight companies that refilled its toner cartridges. HP: A Challenger Appears Lexmark's fights were over laser-printer cartridges, filled with fine carbon powder that retailed at prices that rivaled diamonds and other exotic forms that element. But laser printers are a relatively niche part of the printer market: the real volume action is in inkjet printers: dirt-cheap, semi-disposable, and sporting cartridges (half-) full of ink priced to rival vintage Veuve-Clicquot. For the inkjet industry, ink was liquid gold, and they innovated endlessly in finding ways to wring every drop of profit from it. Companies manufactured special cartridges that were only half-full for inclusion with new printers, so you'd have to quickly replace them. They designed calibration tests that used vast quantities of ink, and, despite all this calibration, never could quite seem to get a printer to register that there was still lots of ink left in the cartridge that it was inexplicably calling "empty" and refusing to draw from. But all this ingenuity was at the mercy of printer owners, who simply did not respect the printer companies' shareholders enough to voluntarily empty their bank accounts to refill their printers. Every time the printer companies found a way to charge more for less ink, their faithless customers stubbornly sought out competitors who'd patronize rival companies who'd refill or remanufacture their cartridges, or offer compatible cartridges. Security Is Job One Shutting out these rivals became job one. When your customers reject your products, you can always win their business back by depriving them of the choice to patronize a competitor. Printer cartridges soon bristled with "security chips" that use cryptographic protocols to identify and lock out refilled, third-party, and remanufactured cartridges. These chips were usually swiftly reverse-engineered or sourced out of discarded cartridges, but then the printer companies used dubious patent claims to have them confiscated by customs authorities as they entered the USA. (We’ve endorsed legislation that would end this practice.) Here again, we see the beautiful synergy of anti-user engineering and anti-competition lawyering. It's really heartwarming to see these two traditional rival camps in large companies cease hostilities and join forces. Alas, the effort that went into securing HP from its customers left precious few resources to protect HP customers from the rest of the world. In 2011, the security researcher Ang Cui presented his research on HP printer vulnerabilities, "Print Me If You Dare." Cui found that simply by hiding code inside a malicious document, he could silently update the operating system of HP printers when the document was printed. His proof-of-concept code was able to seek out and harvest Social Security and credit-card numbers; probe the local area network; and penetrate the network's firewall and allow him to freely roam it using the compromised printer as a gateway. He didn't even have to trick people into printing his gimmicked documents to take over their printers: thanks to bad defaults, he was able to find millions of HP printers exposed on the public Internet, any one of which he could have hijacked with unremovable malware merely by sending it a print-job. The security risks posed by defects in HP's engineering are serious. Criminals who hack embedded systems like printers and routers and CCTV cameras aren't content with attacking the devices' owners—they also use these devices as botnets for devastating denial of service and ransomware attacks. For HP, though, the "security update" mechanism built into its printers was a means for securing HP against its customers, not securing those customers against joining botnets or having the credit card numbers they printed stolen and sent off to criminals. In March 2016, HP inkjet owners received a "security update available" message on their printers' screens. When they tapped the button to install this update, their printers exhibited the normal security update behavior: a progress bar, a reboot, and then nothing. But this "security update" was actually a ticking bomb: a countdown timer that waited for five months before it went off in September 2016, activating a hidden feature that could detect and reject all third-party ink cartridges. HP had designed this malicious update so that infected printers would be asymptomatic for months, until after parents had bought their back-to-school supplies. The delay ensured that warnings about the "security update" came too late for HP printer owners, who had by then installed the update themselves. HP printer owners were outraged and told the company so. The company tried to weather the storm, first by telling customers that they'd never been promised their printers would work with third-party ink, then by insisting that the lockouts were to ensure printer owners didn't get "tricked" with "counterfeit" cartridges, and finally by promising that future fake security updates would be clearly labeled. HP never did disclose which printer models it attacked with its update, and a year later, they did it again, once again waiting until after the back-to-school season to stage its sneak attack, stranding cash-strapped parents with a year's worth of useless ink cartridges for their kids' school assignments. You Don't Own Anything Other printer companies have imitated HP's tactics but HP never lost its edge, finding new ways to transfer money from printer owners to its tax-free offshore accou

Thoughts on picking the low hanging fruit of frugality Part 2. Monetization

The Legendary Jerry's Nugget Playing Cards

Thoughts on picking the low hanging fruit of frugality Part 2. Monetization

DEMOLITION DAYS, PART 86

That reminds me of a story.
After that last one, I thought you might all enjoy a short follow up.
After Al, Chuck, Leo, returned to their other lives back in the world, they kept getting requests from various Agencies and Bureaus for more mine closure data, mostly focusing upon lines of documentation. The various Bureaus desired monographs, road guides, technical reports, and most importantly, detailed step-by-step “How To” manuals.
My guys, now my fully credentialed doctored colleagues, were predictably reticent to write up “How To” manuals for something that was obviously not of their authorship nor inception.
“Fuckin’-A, Rock,” Leo tells me in a phone call, “They want me to fuckin’ basically claim-jump you writing up mine closing procedures. What’s with these goatfuckers? They figured they paid you enough and are now trying to run a goddamned end around? Collective shitheels. No fucking way I’d even think of crossing, even accidently, the Motherfuckin’ Pro from Dover.”
I replied that I had no idea, as after the initial contacts after the field season, I had heard precisely dick from any of the bureaus. Which is fine, as I’m busier than a one-armed paperhanger in a windstorm getting ready to shift the family some 12,700 kilometers east.
I thanked Leo for the intel and told him not to worry, it’s just bureaucracy misfiring at its finest.
“Fuckin’-A, Bubba,” replies Leo as he hangs up.
It suddenly goes all dusty in my office. “I’ve trained that boy well,” I sniff and chuckle heartily.
A short while later, Al wrote me that he’s been contacted by the Bureau/Agency and they are desirous that he lead a field trip with a gaggle of professors from various universities. They are also not all geologists, but Environmental Scientists, Hydrologists, something called an “Environmental Engineer,” and other forms of societal detritus.
He tells me that they wanted him to lead a group of these characters out into the desert for a couple of weeks and show them the mine closure procedures which he developed.
He was most adamant in assuring me that they contacted him, and that the terminology was also theirs. He was already otherwise engaged, so he naturally had to decline. However, he made it abundantly clear that he would never even entertain such a notion like the one they had posited.
I wrote him back, as he was down in Patagonia doing something more or less interesting and/or exciting, thanking him for the information and wishing him well on his expedition. Since he was in the field, I also included a couple of the recipes we enjoyed back in the Nevada desert.
He later tells me that the Gauchos he was working with down there have never heard of Pineapple Upside Down Cake and they absolutely were delighted by it. Come to find out, they also like potato juice and citrus drinks as well.
“Good ol’ Dr. Good-deed. Aide to all men.” I pondered.
I talked with Esme about all this and she was of the opinion that either they knew I was headed east or they wanted me to have some time off. I had been doing a lot of ad hoc work for both Agencies and Bureaus over the last few years.
“Of course,” I replied, “Never ascribe to malice what can best be defined by governmental bureaucracy and officiousness.”
So, time puttered on.
We were holding weekly ‘GROJ (Get Rid Of Junk) sales’ on our weekends. Since everything electrical we possessed was 120 VAC, and the rest of the world, it seems, is 220 VAC, I had to part with all my antiquated electronics. My Fisher Studio-Standard stereo system, Akai reel-to-reel 16-track tape machines, EMI TG12345 MK IV recording console, and Harmon-Kardon turntables and amplifiers.
It was painful. However, I rationalized, if I were to stick them in storage for a decade or two, I’d have re-paid for them via rental fees a couple or three times over. Plus, and all that sitting unused in a storage locker certainly wouldn’t be good for these vintage electronical gizmos.
Still, it was a painful time to pack them into the back of someone else’s vehicle.
I had to take all my firearms to my Brother-in-Law for safekeeping. Since he’s in Kentucky, he was both happy to accept and vowed to give them regular workouts. Even though he’s some form or another of mechanical engineer, I guess I could trust him.
One day, the home phone rings. It’s Chuck and he’s livid.
“Rock!” he hollers, “You know what those chapped bastards at the Bureau want from me? They want me to step in on your turf, and take a clan of idiot pseudo-geologists out in the field for a couple of weeks and train them in mine closing. Can you fucking believe that?”
“Chuck,,” I say, “Whoa. Cool down. Leo and Al report the same, so it just looks like you were next on the list. So, going to take them up on their offer?”
“Don’t make me laugh, Doc!” Chuck asks, “First: I’m busy. Second: I wouldn’t have the foggiest idea how to handle logistics, camping, explosives, and all that other bureaucratic horseshit you somehow put up with. Third: I really don’t want a midnight visit from you and your bag of tricks because I’ve pissed you off by taking credit for what’s rightfully yours.”
“What is the fucking deal?” I ask Chuck, “I’m not like that at all. Everyone thinks I’m going go out and frag them because the Bureau asks them to do a job I did previously. Damn, I’m the most laid-back, gregarious, and even-tempered person on the planet; and I’ll mutilate the miserable manky motherfucker that says I’m not.”
Chuck laughs nervously.
“Hyperbole aside,” I continue, “It’s just that they know I’m headed out to the Middle East and don’t want to bother me right now; I suppose.”
“Umm, Rock,” Chuck clears his thought, and gulps, “That’s not the reason they told me.”
“Is that a fact?” I ask, “What did they give as a reason?”
“Now, Rock, don’t take this wrong. This is Bureau-speak, not me,” Chuck wants to make the point vodka-clear, “But they felt you were the wrong person to lead this group of ‘scholars’. They were concerned with your…”
Hesitation.
“Spill it, Chuck,” I say.
“Demeanor,” Chuck says, “Your conduct, your deportment, your behavior…”
“I see someone got a Thesaurus for Christmas,” I said.
“Rock, that’s them, not me,” Chuck continues, “They said you are too ‘wild and wooly’ to conduct this field expedition of ‘noted scholars’.”
“Is that a fact?” I ask, rhetorically.
“Just reporting to you what they told me, Bossman.” Chuck offers.
“I appreciate it, Chuck. Thanks.” I reply, “Don’t sweat it. I’ll take it from here.”
You could hear an audible expression of relief when we broke connection.
After a couple of cocktails, I had simmered down a bit. Esme says that I need to call my Agency buddies and get the lowdown on the situation, as they’ll know what’s going on.
For once, Esme is also very, very pissed off about the whole situation. Mama Bear’s claws were getting sharpened.
“You are gone for months,” Es exclaims, “Train a bunch of greenhorns, exceed project requirements by over 200%, supply crucial scientific data on forensic activities, and take out a disaster they didn’t even know existed in that mine with the locker full of explosives!”
“Yeah,” I reply, “Does seem a wee bit unappreciative.”
“And then they pull this kind of shit!,” Es yells further, “Those ungrateful bastards. Fuck ‘em. Let them stew in their own futility. They call and you tell them to get stuffed. After all you did for them…”
“Now, now, Dearest,” say, “Let me call Rack and Ruin. If anyone has the skinny on all this, they’ll have all the latest dope.”
“Bastards!,” Es cries, “You damn near get killed several times over and this is their thanks?”
“Yeah, I know, Darling,” I say, “Does seems a bit ungrateful and duplicitous.”
Esme hands me the phone.
“Phone. Call. Now.” She orders.
Looks like I just got my marchin’ orders.
“Yes, my love,” I reply. Even I know when I’m out-matched.
RING RING RING
Agent Rack answers and we go through the usual pleasantries…
“What the flying fuck you mean ‘I’m too dangerous’?” I question Agent Rack.
“Well, Doctor,” Rack tries to explain, “Your ‘cavalier’ attitude towards explosives. More of your ‘relationship’ with them. Not showing the proper deference…”
“WHAT?,” I roar, “Ask anyone that has worked with me in the field! ‘Safety first, last, and foremost’. Just that I don’t fret and quail around explosives like a bunch of phonophobic, jumped-up, wet-pantied shuddering schoolgirls, when I have to demolish something, doesn’t mean I’m anything other than a goddamned consummate professional.”
“Plus, Doctor, ” Rack continues, “It’s not the 1880’s any longer. A Stetson? A sidearm? A .454 Casull Magnum at that…”
“You have got to be yanking my crank here, Rack.” I angrily reply, as I really hate it when someone calls me Doctor like that, “The hat keeps the sun off my head so I don’t get addled like those fuckers you’re talking with at the Bureau. The sidearm is for safety. Oh, yes; there’s that word again. It’s a fucking tool, just like my Estwing hammers or my galvanometer.”
“Can’t kill anyone with a galvanometer,” Rack replies.
“But I could with a hammer, myriad ways” I reply, “And give me five minutes, I’d figure out a way to ‘extract’ someone with a galvanometer...”
“Doctor, do let me let you talk with Agent Ruin; I’m needed elsewhere,,” he tells me.
Agent Ruin takes the phone. It’s the old Agency Two-Step.
“Doctor is distraught,” he observes.
“No, ‘Doctor’ is just plain damned mad.” I reply, “They contract me for a job that has never been attempted before and I complete it beyond their wildest expectations! This is my recompense?”
“Well, Doctor,” Ruin continues, “I’m sure it’s strictly a business decision. It’s obviously nothing personal.”
“It sure as fuck sounds personal,” I gripe back, as now I’ve gone from annoyed to genuinely pissed off, “I’m surprised they didn’t say something derogatory about my Hawaiian shirts.”
“Oh, they did,” Agent Ruin lets slip.
“Oh? OK, Fine. That’s is then,” I reply, “The joyfulness of this whole experience has left the building. Tell them to strike me from their fucking list. I’m done with them. I wash my hands of them. I’m off east anyways. Fuck that bunch of paper-pushing, deskbound, pencil-necked dickheads. Fuck them. Fuck them solid. Fuck them ‘till they bleed.”
“Strong message to follow,” I add.
“Doctor,” Agent Ruin reminds me, “Do I need to remind you that all our conversations are recorded?”
“Oh, fuck no. I know that. So fucking what?” I growl, “Like I’m going to get tossed in Guantanamo for expressing a personal opinion? I can still do that in this fine country. Or has the First Amendment been repealed in my absence?”
“Doctor, you’re obviously agitated,’ Ruin adds, “Perhaps we’ll talk again later when you’ve calmed down before you head to the Middle East.”
“Yeah, about that,” I reply, “You shady characters can cross me off your fucking list as well. You’ve done nothing for me on this latest concern. Nothing! You couldn’t even give me the courtesy of a motherfucking heads-up. Guess that tells me all I need to know about the future of our relationship. Goodbye, Agent Ruin. Give Agent Rack my ‘Da Svidonya. I won’t be answering your calls any longer.
“Doctor, I, um, wait…”Agent Ruin sputters.
I continue: “And as long as I’m at it, tell that other Bureau to go hang as well. They want more data or shit from me, tell them to go find it elsewhere. And also tell them good luck with that. The three experts that exist in the world apart from me already told them to get bent. At least they possess loyalty and a dollop of comradeship. I’ll be shipping your phone and other items back via parcel post. Hasta la vista, Herr Ruin. Have a day.”
CLICK-KER -FUCKING-SMASH! I hang up in the rudest way possible.
“Clapped-out assholes,” I muse. “All those years of working together. All those years of building relationships around the world. It’s all kyboshed over a fucking Hawaiian shirt. I guess it was inevitable. Either I became too specialized or evolved myself out of being useful to them. Ah, well, their loss. Can’t be helped…”
I take a healthy swig right from the prime vodka bottle. OK, several.
“FUCKERS!” I scream at the wood-paneled ceiling, shaking my fist in vehement rage at the clouds coolly cruising by outside my window.
Esme doesn’t come running. She doesn’t have to. She knows the score.
I ship the Agency’s toys back to them with a terse note: “Thanks for all the nothing. Here’s your shit back. Dr. Rocknocker. PS: Get stuffed.”
Not my best effort, I’ll agree. However, I was really pissed at that point.
Now I have the time to devote solely to relocating my family and I overseas. Gad, there’s so much crap one must go through. What to sell, what goes in storage, what to trash, what to give away…the lists are endless.
First to go are all my power tools. Fuckbuckets. It took me decades to amass that collection. I got a good price, sure, but now I’m more or less without a hobby. We decide to put all Esme’s lapidary equipment in storage. It’s too specialized to generate much interest, much less a decent price. Besides, they won’t rot in our absence.
I can ship my fishing gear and golf clubs overseas. They’re American, but at least not 120 VAC.
Our house goes on the market and we have to get it spiffed to within an inch of its life. Got to have that ‘curb appeal’. Good, let someone else do it, I’m busy. More unexpected expense.
I give our house contractors out in New Mexico their marching orders. It’s going slow and will be a seasonal thing, but they guarantee me the house will be ready by next summer if they can source the slabs of Baraboo Quartzite I want. Splendid, that’s something I don’t have to follow up on every day.
Then there’s our aquarium. 250 gallons of treated Houston water, loaded with native Texan fish and a couple of cranky Jack Dempseys. All the gear, filters, pumps, water polishers, heaters, treaters, all of it. Has to go.
My ex-Utah Mormon drinking buddy down the road expresses interest. I basically let him have it gratis on the one condition he takes everything, fish included. He has to keep the fish alive and happy their entire lives. I’ve raised some from minnows and have grown attached to a couple of the gaspergou and a certain smallmouth bass with those big brown eyes…
Digger, my stalwart mechanic, is going to purchase my truck. It’s a bittersweet parting, but at least I know it’ll have a great home. Digger is going to use it as both his personal truck and his company’s hot-shot vehicle for pick-up and delivery of everything from batteries to full drivetrains. I know the vehicle will be in good hands.
Our Land Rover is up for grabs. Few are interested, though; buyer’s market. It’s a couple of years old and has lots of miles, due to Houston being so stupid-big. I order an extra-large bottle of AstroGlide as I know I’m going to be taking it up the ass on this one…
Finally, our pets.
Reluctantly, I’ve agreed to take the cat. It’s a stupid little feline that I figure we can just toss in a suitcase and drag it with us overseas. No, I guess we’ll get a cat-carrier and figure it out with the airlines.
Then there’s Lady. 135 kilos of dopey puppy. She’s getting up in years, as well, especially for a giant breed. Luckily, overseas we’ll be living on a Western compound. So if we go through all the rigmarole of quarantine, getting her a ‘pet passport’, and shipping via a specialist service, Lady can bark at the tenets of pre-Islam (dogs really aren’t haram), and actually join us in our new home.
This is going to cost a fortune, but I don’t care. She’s an integral part of the family, she is going to join us.
I find a Pet Relocation Service and begin the masses of insane paperwork. It’s an ‘all-in’ service, basically door-to-door. But do not be deluded, they charge every micrometer of the way.
Vaccinations, chipping (she already was fitted with an RFID chip), booking, boarding, securing vet services, obtaining health certificates, securing import permits, dealing with all issues related to customs clearance, interacting with foreign agents, supplying IATA approved crates, and obtaining Municipality tags registration for new arrivals.
Gonna cost me a couple-three-four kilobucks. Worth every penny.
Esme, the kids and I are working on beginning packing, tossing this, wrapping that, sentimentalizing over the other thing when we get a ring at the door.
It’s a bonded courier. He has a package for me.
It’s of the size that would contain about 6-months’ worth of Playboy magazines, and has no external address. I sign for the thing and walk back to the kitchen.
“What you got there, Rock?” Es asks.
“Not sure,” I reply, “But it came via bonded courier.”
“Well, open it,” Es smiles. She loves surprises.
I do so and it’s a series of articles, re-prints, and other information regarding Nevada, mine closures, and the Mine Closure Act. There’s also a number of newspaper and magazine clippings that had been photo-copied into a dozen-page document. All of them, write-ups and reviews from different newspapers, house organs, and journals citing my work with the guys out in the field.
I open it further and there’s a personal note from Dr. Sam Muleshoe, and a certified check, made out in my name.
Seems I was correct. After exhausting their leads with Al, Leo, and Chuck, they have spent near a month trying to find someone to take over the project. “To fill my shoes,” as Dr. Sam Muleshoe notes.
They came up totally empty.
“Told ya’ so.” I gloated. Esme smiles a wide schadenfreude-fueled smile.
I look at the check. It’s plenty healthy, but not superhero strength.
I show Es and she laughs out loud.
“So,” Es whoops, “They think they can get back in your good graces by buying you off? Hah! Fat chance,” she says and regards the check, “Hell. They’re not even close.”
I agree with Esme passionately.
I write a quick, hand-scribbled note to Dr. Muleshoe, thanking him for the information. I give several options, some admittedly anatomically impossible, regarding what he can do with the check and the Bureau’s offer.
I wrap it back up with duct-tape, call the courier service, and return it to Reno, COD.
A couple of days later, I receive a phone call. Surprise, surprise, it’s from Reno.
“Rock, it’s Reno!,” Es tells me.
I shake my head “no!” slicing my hand through the air in the head-chop mime.
“Tell him I’ve gone bush in darkest Outer Albania and you have no idea when I’ll be back,” I say.
Esme looks a bit sheepish, as we can hear the phone remark: “I can hear you, you know.”
“Fuckbuckets,” I think, “OK, hand me the rap-rod.”
“Yeah?” I growl, very grizzly-like into the infernal communication device.
“Hello, Rock. This is Sam Muleshoe,” the phone reports.
“Damn,” I exclaim, “I guess you characters can’t take ‘no’ for an answer. Which word fucking confused you?”
“Rock, what’s the god damned deal?,” Sam asks innocently, “Why all the bloody hostility?”
“Oh, double-fuck me!” I say metaphorically, “Don’t act like you don’t know. Try and snake the latest field mine closing job out from under me and try to snag my guys. Then, when that fails, give some sort of bullshit report to Rack and Ruin. You think I’m ‘too cavalier’, too “wild and wooly’, and think I’m some goddamned 19th-century throwback that loves horrible Hawaiian shirts…”
“Doc?,” Sam asks, “Are you currently fucking drunk? What the actual fuck are you rabbeting on about?”
“Sam, I’m stone-cold fucking sober,” I reply, “Yeah. I know, that’s a first. But listen here Scooter. You must have balls of brass trying to sweet-talk me into running another field course after all you did…”
“Rock,” Sam pleads, “Please, believe me, I have no idea what you’re on about. Can we talk and maybe figure this thing out?”
“No!,” I holler, “I’m done talking with the likes of your Bureau. Nothing you can do or say to rebuild the bridges they’ve burned with me.”
“OK,” he says, “Doct…, err, Rock, buddy. Calm your tits. Give me the Reader’s Digest version. I’ll look into it, because I have absolutely no idea what this is all about. This really sounds serious, with fuck-up overtones. Trust me, I’m serious as the last cold can of beer on a field trip.”
“Marvelous.” I say, “I guess I owe you that much. Professional courtesy. At least one of us has the grit to employ some.”
So, I run through the tale of the travails of Al, Chuck, and Leo. Then my little difference of opinion with Agents Rack, Ruin, and the Agency. Plus my severing of ties with both that Agency out on the east coast and the Bureaus in the great American Southwest.
“Doctor,” Sam says intently, “I know it’s going to be difficult, but I swear on a box of your finest cigars with a vodka chaser that I didn’t know anything about all this nor did it come from this office. Por favor señor, let me do some digging. I’ll be back in touch.”
“Sam,” I say, thinking over the situation, “Yeah…I must apologize for my previous outbursts. I should have known you’re not behind this idiocy. Yeah, go do some fossicking. Let me know what you dig up. Again, sorry. I was a bit…animated.”
“Rock,” Sam chuckles, “Do you think that I’d dare anger someone like you? You must think I’ve got a serious case of cranial lithification to cheese-off the Motherfucking Pro from Dover!”
At this point, I knew that Sam was also only collateral damage; he too was caught in the crossfire. Ground zero for the original attacks lie elsewhere within the Bureau.
Esme and I go back to preparing for our trip coming up in 2 months. But Jesus Q. Christwagons, there’s so much to do. Everything you own; it gets packed, stored, or trashed.
It’s the decisions that get so tiring. Keep. Toss. Sell. Burn. Leave on someone’s doorstep.
I propose to Es that we just do the basic necessities. Then we hire some firm to finish up for us. It’d be worth the cost since just think what we’d be saving on aspirin and Ace Bandages.
Esme readily backs the idea that we should turn the job over to someone else. Plus in the interim, we can take a trip back home to Baja Canada so the kids could visit their grandparents, we visit our family, and all of us could cool out a bit before the big trip east.
I need to drop by Big Ray’s Tap for a few hours/days anyways.
Old commitments.
We’d go the beginning of our last month here in the States, spend a couple of weeks visiting family at home, leave the kids with the grandparents to get spoiled rotten. Es and I would return to Houston to finalize everything.
Then Es and I would fly from Houston to that damn sprawling annoyance of an airport on the big lake in Illinoise. The family would meet us there, handover the kids, and we’d all haul ass eastwards to the Middle East.
I readily agreed. Anything has to be better than dealing with this crapola.
Lady and the stupid cat would go to the pet schleppers a little early. Sure, it’d cost a few more dinars, but that’s one big headache sorted.
So, late one afternoon, I’m sitting in my office, trying to figure out exactly what reference works I couldn’t live without.
Compton’s? Save. Field Guide to Fungus? Toss. No, wait a minute. Could prove useful.
That’s why this is taking forever.
The phone rings.
It’s Sam.
“Hello, Sam,” I say, “What news?”
“Goddamn it all to fucking hell and back,” Sam roars.
“That’s a unique greeting,” I reply.
“I finally drilled down to the bottom of all this horseshit.,” Sam replies, “And it’s a real bowl of fuck all the way south.”
“I’m listening,” I say, “Actually, Sam, hold on. I need a drink. Moment.”
I give Es the high sign, note it’s Sam on the phone, and that I’ll be in my office if she hears any screaming.
I amp up my drink and return to my office, closing the door behind me.
Lady is here, waiting to keep my feet warm.
“OK Sam, your nickel,” I say, “What’s the scoop?”
“Would you believe?,” he begins, “That all batshittery this came from accounting and bookkeeping?”
“Well,” I reply, “I’ll have to admit that I’m not overly surprised.”
“Yeah,” Sam continues, “I was off on holiday. My first two weeks off after 5 years. My very temporary replacement received a memo from the head of the Bureau that there was great interest in you leading a shortened version of your last trip to demonstrate to a bunch of different university PhDs in the care and feeding of abandoned mines. Seems the Bureau Chief was very impressed with what you and your team accomplished.”
“OK,” I reply, “With you so far. So, where did things get wrapped around a tractor’s nuts?”
“Right,” he replies, “Here’s where things first went off the rails. Whoever vetted the list of potential attendees sorted the list alphabetically, not by field of expertise. Of course, the obvious first choice would be for geologists; especially those with mining, field, and blasting experience.”
“Ah,” I replied, “No wonder it was such a miscellaneous bunch of baloney-loaf whole-grain enviro-types that Al had mentioned.”
“Yep,” Sam agreed, “But before anyone with any brains got sight of that list, some fucknuts in the Bureau’s University Liaison department sent out invitations.”
“Invitations?” I asked, “To what?”
“That’s just the thing,” Sam continued, “They sent out invites to a program that didn’t yet exist, run by someone who had yet to be contacted, much less secured.”
“Oh, hey! That’s some good work you guys do down there.” I snort.
“Indeed,” Sam agrees, “So once that hit the mail, we started getting back replies and acceptances.”
“And there was no project, no leader, no logistics…?” I asked.
“No shit,” Sam scoffs. “So, what did these idiots here do? Contact the attendees and explain the problem. Take a little flack, but get it sorted out then try again?”
“Let me guess,” I said, “No?”
“Nope,” Sam sighs, “By that time, it was in the works and in the hands of accountants.”
“Oh, fuck,” I commiserated. “I feel your pain.”
“Yeah,” Sam continues, “They see that you’re the hookin’ bull on the last one and they dig into your contract. They figure, ‘Whoa, he’s way too expensive, just look at these expense accounts’, so they do an end-around and contact your colleagues.”
“Al, Chuck, and Leo. They’re damn good guys,” I said, “Fine field scientists, all. But I don’t think any of them have the moxie or experience yet to run a whole field course.”
“These accounting shitheads never bothered to find out,” Sam groans, “It was all ‘bottom line’, so you got caught in the squeeze.”
“OK,” I reply, “I see how that happened, but what about all the shit about me being a 19th-century throwback, that I’m unsafe, wear horrible Hawaiian shirts, and all that shit?”
“Comedy of bloody errors,” Sam says, “Actually, the Bureau Chief likes your fashion sense; you should see some of his shirts. But your slime campaign was based on unreliable evidence, tall tales, folklore, and outright fabrications. It was easy to pimp someone with a personality like yours, it’s been said. Someone was trying desperately to cover his ass. However, we have identified the perpetrator.”
“Next time I’m in Reno,” I said, “I’ll pay him a friendly little visit and arrange his transport to Neptune. One way. Y’know, it’d be easy for someone with a ‘personality like mine’.”
“Ah, yeah. He won’t be here,” Sam says, “In fact, we don’t know where the hell he went. He was immediately sacked, as were a couple of the more boneheaded accountants.”
“That’s redundant,” I smirk, “They really don’t want to talk with or see me anytime soon.”
“Right, then Rock,” Sam says, “We green again?”
“Yeah, Sam,” I reply, “Sure. Green as a New Saigon. But you’ve got to call Rack and Ruin for me. You have to let them know how this whole clusterfuck came to be. We had some words a while back.”
“Oh, yeah,” Sam remembers, “I talked with them the other day. They said they’ll be in Houston in a couple of days.”
“Cor! Just what I fucking need right now,” I lament. “Ah, it is what it is.”
“OK, Rock. Now, back to reality. You interested?” Sam asks.
“Send me a JD (job description) and the project particulars. The price of poker’s really going up this time, Sam. Stratospheric. Sorry, it’s all just business.” I relate.
“Yeah…,” Sam sighs, “I figure we’ll really owe you if you can drag our ass out of the campfire on this one.”
“You have no idea,” I chuckle. We exchange farewells and ring off.
Now I have some talking to do with my significant other.
Since we were all set to go back to Baja Canada, I could use those two weeks to go to Nevada, if necessary. I can be back in Houston with Es for the last two weeks before we’re slated to travel, and we can sort out the house.
“This won’t be an easy sell,” I muse, before chatting with my darling, brilliant, and ever-so-forgiving partner.
“I’ll need a drink first”, I declare.
Esme notes that it would be nice to have a little spare cash with us when we move overseas.
You could have dropped me with a Claymore. Es never fails to flummox me.
So, provisional OK from the powers that be. Now all I have to do is wait on Sam’s prospectus.
The next day, the doorbell rings. It’s Agents Rack and Ruin.
One is holding a box of very expensive cigars, and one is holding a bottle of very expensive bourbon.
I turn to Es and remark, “Look here, darlin’. Geeks bearing gifts.”
“Hello, Doctor,” Rack says, bristling, “We need to talk. “
“Why?” I ask, “I do seem to recall that I’m no longer associated with you people any longer.”
“Doctor,” Agent Ruin cocks his head contritely, bowing ever so slightly, “May we please have a moment of your time?”
I look to Es. She shrugs her shoulders. Luckily I’m partial to Es’ opinion. I am also partial to good bourbon and cigars, especially when someone else is paying for them. So I shrug my shoulders as well and tell them to make entry.
“My office, “ I say, “You know the way. Mind the boxes.”
Once in my office, the Agents stack their offerings and go on in great detail, basically collaborating Sam’s story. I remain steadfast and stony as the Harney Peak Granite of Mr. Rushmore fame. I’m not giving anything away any longer.
“Well, Doctor,” Agent Ruin finalizes, “That’s the story, warts and all.”
“Yep, it is pretty warty,” I agree, “So?”
“We would like to rekindle our relationship,” Agent Rack reports, “These are for starters.”
He hands me the cigars and booze; plus another box.
“Thanks,” I say, “But just because I accept your peace offerings, that doesn’t mean we’re going to turn back the clock.”
“What are you suggesting?” Agent Ruin asks.
“No more consulting,” I reply, “I want in. The ‘Full Monty’, as it were. If I’m going overseas and work for some twitchy Middle Eastern sandpit’s national oil company, I want perks, tabs, and my ass duly covered.”
“Work two full-time jobs simultaneously?” Agent Rack asks.
“However you want to structure it,” I say, “No more consulting. From here on out, you want me, you’re making me a full-fledged full-timer.”
Agents Rack and Ruin look at each other, enquiringly.
“Doctor,” Agent Rack replies, “We are prepared to offer you an ad hoc Agency appointment. You will be fully attached but you will be also doing your full-time job in the other country.”
“I’m listening. Tell me more,” I ask, “What exactly are you offering?”
“Full access to all pertinent information,” Agent Ruin continues, “Full entrée to appropriate facilities and, um, assets. Security for you and your family in case of, well, shall; we say, ‘difficulties’. Monthly minimum payment of [$$$] to any non-US bank of your choice. Extra duties would be duly compensated. Top clearances. An enhanced potential payment package, bonus possibilities, and full benefits for you.”
“Full benefits for me and my family,” I say, “Or there’s the door. Non-negotiable” I point out.
“Very well. That had been anticipated.” Agent Rack replies.
“Gentlemen,” I say, “Let us shake on what I hope turns out to be a beautiful relationship.”
We shake hands and I sign my life away. I’m really in it now, up to my neck. I have to learn to shut up more and just listen.
“Now, gents,” I say, “In order to seal the deal, let us break out the drinking stuff you’ve brought along. We will also smoke together so that we will know there will be no lies or deceit between us.”
“Also anticipated, Doctor,” both agents agree.
My ‘new’ old colleagues prepare to leave a while later, after a cigar, and far too much of what was a full bottle of expensive gift booze. They always get you in the end.
Contained within the other small box were my new Agency credentials, updated version satellite phone, secure codes, and a nifty new Swiss Army Knife, with a built-in cigar cutter.
With renewed dedication and expectations all ‘round, Agents Rack and Ruin take their leave.
They hope to be able to meet me and the family, remember, they are Uncles Rack and Ruin, overseas one day in the not too distant future. My information, further updated cards, registration, and all that official business guff will come to the specific Middle Eastern country’s US Embassy for me once we arrive and get settled.
“Marvelous,” I muse.
I receive an Email from Dr. Muleshoe explaining what we talked about and his hopes for my stickhandling a ‘quick’ 2-week field excursion for the approximately 15 Ph.D. types from around North America. Seems there’s a couple of Canadians and one Mexican professor that expressed desires to join. They had actually forwarded funds to be included in our number.
Sam suggests I drive out in my truck and proceed as per the last trip. Get the trailer, fill it with noisemakers, and the Bureau would sort out transportation and lodging for the attendees. Seems some want to camp, like real geologists, and some want to lodge in hotels, like real non-geologists.
I write Sam back:
First item: this is a 2-week sojourn into the desert. It’s a field meeting, emphasis on the field, not a tour of Nevada’s many fine hotels, resorts, and casinos.
Item two: I no longer possess my truck. The Bureau will provide me with the appropriate vehicular equivalent. No passengers, this will be the Camp Chief truck from the onset. Besides, I am the only one licensed to drive the vehicle when coupled to an explosives-laden trailer.
Item three: I will be flown to and from Reno from Houston. No buses, trains, or automobiles. It’s business class or zilch.
Item the fourth: the Bureau will source the necessary support logisticians to provide food, drink, and toilet paper for the 16 professionals while we are in the field. They will also need to provide cooks, dishwashers, camp tidiers, and the like as I don’t have time to deal with 15 potentially field-fresh, whiny waterhead PhDs.
Item the fifth: The Bureau will provide for all pre- and post-trip handling of participants. They can handle hotel rooms for the early arrivers or late-stayers. They can manage arrivals, registration, signing of necessary documents, and assuring vaccination records are up to snuff, waivers are signed, etc. They will also handle the transportation of participants to/from and during the field project, when and where necessary.
Item the sixth: I include a new version of my contract. Force Majeure, ‘Take or Pay’ clause. Door to door coverage. Plus my, ahem, augmented day rate. Absolutely non-negotiable.
Item seven: I have final say over what is done in the field. I am in command, the boss, the head cheese, the head honcho, and I require absolute discipline, especially where explosives are concerned. “My way or the highway” will be the theme of the trip. Gain, non-negotiable.
To be continued.

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Whisky Bar
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Work Position
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Writer
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Yoga Studio
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Zoo

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[USA-NJ] [H] Games for lots of systems, many loose boxes and manuals, Amiibo & collectibles [W] Various games, boxes and manuals including Infinite Space, Trine Series 1-3, Flinthook, Octopath Traveler

Hi all, I have two things I'm looking for at the moment: 1) some boxes, manuals and loose games to complete some games I currently have incomplete, and 2) some high value games for various consoles that are my priority wants right now. In cases where I am looking for incomplete stuff, I may also be willing to trade for complete stuff. I will try to describe everything I have as best I can, and pictures are either linked or available on request. In turn, I am looking for items that are complete and in good shape, but I am somewhat flexible with cardboard box games. Also, some of the items I have for trade are hard trades, so please do not be offended if I turn down a fair value trade. p.s. I have 70+ confirmed trades!
p.p.s. when I say CIB I mean Complete in Box, that includes all booklets, not just manual. If something I have is not complete I will try to communicate that. On the flip side, if you have something and you are not sure if it is complete, I am happy to check for you!

HAVES

NES

Original game pad
Original orange zapper
Blaster Master - game only
Casino Kid - game only
Dr Mario - game only
Empire Strikes Back - LRG reissue trading card #561
~~Q-bert - game only~~
RC Pro Am - game only
Star Tropics - CIB, letter is still attached to manual!
Star Tropics 2 Zoda's Revenge - CIB
Super Mario Bros / Duck Hunt - game only
The King of Kings (Wisdom Tree) - manual
Tiger Heli - game only
Vindicators - CIB
~~Xevious - game only~~

N64

1080 Snowboarding - manual and operations card
Army Men Air Combat - manual
Banjo Kazooie - manual (wrinkled)
Banjo Tooie - manual
Battletanx Global Assault - manual (wrinkled)
Bomberman 64 - manual
Buck Bumble - manual
Diddy Kong Racing - manual, operations card
Donkey Kong 64 - manual
Extreme-G - manual
Goldeneye 007 - manual
Kirby 64 - manual
Mario Kart 64 - manual, operations card and player's guide offer booklet
Mario Party 2 - manual
Mario Tennis - manual
Rugrats Scavenger Hunt - manual
Star Wars Episode 1 Battle for Naboo - manual (has marker on top right)
Super Mario 64 - manual
Yoshi's Story - manual and operations card
Zelda Ocarina of Time - manual

GameCube

Army Men Air Combat The Elite Missions - game and manual only
Lego Star Wars - CIB
Lego Star Wars II - CIB
Ribbit King with bonus disc - CIB
Superman Shadow of Apokolips - CIB, also have a Nintendo Power poster to go with it
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - manual only
Action Replay - manual only

Wii
almost all of this Wii stuff is pending a local deal

Late model console with Wii Sports / Wii Sports Resort combo disc, nearly complete in a worn box, not GameCube-compatible (ask for more info)
ABC Wipeout 2 - CIB
Battalion Wars 2 - CIB
Boom Blox Bash Party - CIB
Elebits - CIB
Ghost Squad - CIB
Ghostbusters - NIB
Hello Kitty Seasons - CIB
Link's Crossbow Training - disc and manual in cardboard sleeve
Metroid Other M - CIB
Nights Journey of Dreams - CIB
Press Your Luck 2010 Edition - CIB
Rayman Raving Rabbids - CIB
Rayman Raving Rabbids TV Party - CIB
Star Wars the Force Unleashed - CIB
Super Paper Mario - box and manual
Wii Fit Plus - CIB (no balance board)
Zhu Zhu Pets Featuring the Wild Bunch - CIB
2 Blasters + Game big box NIB (game download no longer works) (these blasters are attachments for Wiimotes to make them into pistols, great accessory IMO)

Wii U

~~007 Legends - NIB~~
NintendoLand - box, manual and booklets

Switch

Azure Striker Gunvolt Striker Pack - NIB
Cosmic Star Heroine - NIB
Danmaku Unlimited 3 - NIB with card
Downwell - NIB
Freedom Planet - LRG trading card
Gekido Kintaro’s Revenge - CIB
Giga Wrecker Alt - LRG trading card with gold foil
Korg Gadget - NIB
Mutant Mudds Collection - CIB (crease on slipcover) with loose cards
Oxenfree - NIB
PixelJunk Monsters 2 - NIB
Rive - SRG trading cards only sealed
Shantae and the Pirate's Curse - NIB
Snake Pass - SRG trading cards only sealed
Splasher - NIB
The Adventure Pals - NIB with sealed cards
The Darkside Detective - NIB with sealed cards, hard trade
The Escapists - NIB
The Flame in the Flood - partially NIB with sealed cards and sticker (missing outer bag)
PowerA Premium Game Card Case red Super Mario M - NIB
~~PowerA wireless GameCube style controller gray - NIB~~

4 in 1 Funpak Volume II - game only
Baseball - box, game with repro tray
Battleship - box, game, registration card, poster with repro tray
Bill Elliott's Nascar Fast Tracks - box, game, manual, inserts with repro tray and original receipt from 1992
Bo Jackson Hit and Run - game and manual
Centipede and Millipede - box, tray, game, manual
Cleaning Kit - box only
Dead Heat Scramble - game only
Desert Strike - box, manual, game, inserts with repro tray
Donkey Kong Land - game only
Donkey Kong Land 2 - game only
Dr Mario - box and game with repro tray
Face Ball 2000 - game only
Game and Watch Gallery - box and manual with repro tray
Ghostbusters II - game only
Golf Player's Choice - box, manual and game with repro tray
Hyper Lode Runner - game only
James Bond 007 - game only
Jeopardy! - box, game, manual, all inserts with repro tray
King James Bible (Wisdom Tree) - manual
Kirby's Dreamland - box only with repro tray
Kirby's Dreamland 2 - box only with repro tray
Kirby's Pinball Land - box and game with repro tray
Kwirk - game only
Mickey's Dangerous Chase player's choice - game only
Mole Mania - game only
Monopoly - box, game, manual, all inserts with repro tray
Nemesis - game only
Paperboy - game only
Penguin Wars - CIB
Revenge of the Gator - game only
Shanghai - game only
Super Mario Land - game only
Super Mario Land 2 6 Golden Coins - game only x2
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Fall of the Foot Clan - game only x2
Tetris Attack - game only
The Chessmaster - box, game, inserts with repro tray (no manual)
The Smurfs - game only
Who Framed Roger Rabbit? - game only
WWF Superstars 2 - box, game, manual, all inserts with repro tray
Yoshi - box, game and manual with repro tray
Yoshi's Cookie - game only
Nuby Worm Light safety instructions booklet only

GBC

Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle 3 - manual
Croc - game only
Game and Watch Gallery 2 - box, manual and game with repro tray
~~Pocket Bomberman - game and manual~~
Tony Hawk's Pro Skater - game only
Wings of Fury - CIB
GameShark Pro - box, manual

GBA

3rd party charger - looks like an OEM charger but isn't
An American Tail Fievel's Gold Rush - CIB
Atari Anniversary Advance - CIB
Backyard Basketball - game only
Backyard Football - game only
Candy Land / Chutes and Ladders / Memory - CIB
Car Battler Joe - game only
Connect Four / Perfection / Trouble - CIB
Crash Bandicoot the Huge Adventure - game only
Disney's Magical Quest 2 Starring Mickey and Minnie - game only
Disney's Monsters Inc. / Finding Nemo - game only
Donkey Kong Country - game only
Donkey Kong Country 2 - game only
Ecks vs Sever - game only
Ed Edd n Eddy the Mis-Edventures - game only
F-14 Tomcat - game only
Garfield the Search for Pooky - CIB
Kirby and the Amazing Mirror - box, tray, manual, all inserts
Madden 2003 - game only
Mario Pinball Land - CIB
Mario Tennis Power Tour - game only
Medabots Rokusho Version - game only
Monster Trucks - game only
Muppet Pinball Mayhem - game only
Need for Speed Underground - game only
Pac Man Collection - game only
Pac Man World - game only
Pocket Dogs - CIB
Pokemon Glazed (bootleg, clear blue cart) - game only
Rayman Advance - game only
Road Trip Shifting Gears - CIB
Rugrats I Gotta Go Party - game only
Sonic Advance 2 - game only
Spongebob Squarepants Battle for Bikini Bottom - game only
Spongebob Squarepants Lights Camera Pants - game only
Spongebob Squarepants Revenge of the Flying Dutchman - game only
Spyro 2 Season of Flame - CIB, also have a loose copy
Super Mario Advance 2: Super Mario World - game only
Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2004 - game only
Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell - game only
Uno / Skip Bo - game only

GBA Video

Dragon Ball GT Volume 1 - NIB
Nickelodeon Rugrats All Grown Up! Volume 1 - NIB
Nicktoons Collection Volume 2 - NIB

Chrono Trigger - box, manual, all inserts including the poster
Dragon Quest Heroes Rocket Slime - box, manual, all inserts
Fossil League Dino Tournament Championship - CIB
Hamsterz Life - CIB
Go Diego Go Great Dinosaur Rescue - CIB
Harvest Moon DS - game only
Junior Brain Trainer - CIB
Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games - manual, all inserts
Metroid Prime Pinball - box, manual, health and safety insert (cover art says Rumble Pak included but there is no Rumble Pak)
Pokemon HeartGold / SoulSilver - Pokewalker manual and safety booklet only
Pokemon Ranger - CIB
Rune Factory - box, manual, all inserts
Scribblenauts Unlimited - manual only
Spongebob Squarepants Atlantis Squarepantis - NIB
Star Fox Command - box, manual, all inserts
Warioware DIY - box, manual, all inserts
Yoshi's Island DS - box, manual, health and safety insert
EMS NDS Adapter - CIB (Not the newest version, works best with Windows XP)
Operations manual and other inserts for black DSi in bag
Instruction booklet for launch model DS
I also have some health and safety precautions booklets and one WiFi connection booklet

3DS

Brain Age Concentration Training - box, manual (cover art has a small tear on back)
Legend of Legacy big box launch edition - CIB (very hard trade)
Legend of Zelda Triforce Heroes - NIB
Poochy and Yoshi's Woolly World EU region big box only (can hold both game and Poochy amiibo)
Puzzler 3D World 2012 - CIB
Puzzler Mind Gym 3D - CIB
Tomodachi Life - manual
OEM charger
Operations manual and other inserts (no AR cards) for launch model 3DS in bag
2DS XL quick start guide
Nyko Game Boost power attachment for launch model 3DS - NIB, some box damage

PSX

2 Xtreme - CIB
Jeopardy! - CIB
Moto Racer 2 - CIB
Need for Speed Hot Pursuit greatest hits green label - CIB
Rayman greatest hits green label - CIB (jewel case is cracked)
Road Rash greatest hits green label - CIB
Sled Storm - CIB
Star Wars Rebel Assault II - CIB
Tetris Plus greatest hits green label - CIB
Tomb Raider III greatest hits green label - CIB
Wheel of Fortune greatest hits green label - CIB

PS2

Ace Combat 04 greatest hits - CIB
~~DDR Extreme 2 - CIB~~
DDR Supernova - CIB
DDRMAX DDR - CIB
Gadget Racers - CIB
Gauntlet Dark Legacy - CIB
R-Type Final - disc only
Ratchet and Clank: Size Matters - NIB
Star Wars Battlefront greatest hits red label - CIB
SOCOM II: US Navy Seals - manual only
Supercar Street Challenge - CIB
We Love Katamari - CIB

PS3

Battleship - NIB
Dynasty Warriors: Gundam - NIB
Killzone 3 - NIB
Mini Ninjas - CIB
Uncharted 3 Drake's Deception - NIB

Xbox

Halo Combat Evolved Platinum Hits - CIB

Xbox 360

Civilization Revolution - CIB
Halo 3 ODST - Discs only in a generic case
Halo Combat Evolved Anniversary - discs only in a generic case
Halo Reach - CIB

IBM Tandy

Mario Teaches Typing big box - NIB

Cubix: Robots for Everyone - NIB
Jimmy Neutron vs Jimmy Negatron - manual only
Oil Tycoon - NIB

Amiibo

Blue Inkling Boy - NIB
Kirby Warp Star (Kirby series) - NIB
Mabel - NIB
Peach (Mario series) - NIB

Collectibles

Ni No Kuni II Figpin "Evan" new
Hatsune Miku Funko Pop NIB
Club Nintendo Red Mario Hat DS carrying case - New
Club Nintendo Super Mario Children's Book JP Exclusive - New
2003 Nintendo Duck Hunt Patch - New
Poster: Monster Hunter 3 Tri 20x27"
Poster: Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games 40x14"
Poster: New Super Mario Bros Wii / Zelda Spirit Tracks 12x17"
Poster set: Bravoman and Bravoman x Wonder-Momo 11x15"
Poster: Superman Shadow of Apokolips (from Nintendo Power)
Large collection of Marvel, DC, Dark Horse, Image comics (Click the link for a full list of what is available)

Random Stuff

Heavy duty HDMI cable flat style
White Verizon iPhone 5S with protective case and charger
Sprint Samsung Galaxy Note 2 - Pretty sure this is unlocked, but will not work on Verizon, comes with Cyanogen OS, charging cable and dock
GameKlip controller mount NIB - Would work great with the Samsung Galaxy Note 2, requires a PS3 (aka DS3) controller, learn more here
Ledger Nano S Whitepaper Edition NIB
Micro Machines National Geographic Collection #1 and #3
~~Daft Punk - Random Access Memories Vinyl Sealed~~
Holy Ghost - Static on the Wire Vinyl Like New
ABSRDST- Boss Beats CD sealed (An EP of Mega Man remixes)
Speed Racer: The Movie VHS CIB
Adventure Time: Jake vs Me-Mow DVD + Finn Hat CIB
Regular Show: The Best DVD in the Universe
AMC Walking Dead playing cards NIB (NY Comic Con promo)
Avengers: Infinity War Moviebill
2x Madonna CDs
Trial of the Clone - A modern CYOA style book
Three Word Phrase Volume One
Little Red Book Complete Street Guide to New York City
2 1932 Olympic stamps
Dolce and Gabanna Intenso leather bag new, open box
Vintage Academy Broadway Duffel Bag
Mark McGwire 62nd Home Run Gold card

WANTS

Remember, for any of these I'm willing to trade for CIB copies. I am also willing to look at lists but these are my priority wants.
Switch

PENDING ESP RA DE CIB or NIB
Furi CIB or NIB
Gris CIB or NIB
Link's Awakening Dreamer Edition or other big box edition CIB like new (low priority)
Link's Awakening GameStop exclusive double-sided poster
Link's Awakening pin set
Link's Awakening steelbook (low priority)
LRG trading card for Another World
LRG trading card for Dragon's Lair Trilogy
LRG trading card for Flinthook
LRG trading card for PixelJunk Monsters 2
LRG trading card for Shantae and the Pirate's Curse
LRG trading card for Slime San
LRG trading card for Toejam and Earl
Puyo Puyo Tetris CIB or NIB with target exclusive decals
Octopath Traveler CIB
The Messenger CIB or NIB
PowerA game carrying case (black and gold Zelda style, blue Zelda style)
Switch Lite screen protector
Switch Lite carrying case

3DS

Codename STEAM - CIB or NIB
Etrian Odyssey Untold soundtrack bundle - CIB
Frogger 3D - CIB big box version with cover plates
LEGO Chima Laval's Journey - CIB or NIB with minifigure
Radiant Historia launch edition - big box contents or CIB

Bomberman Land Touch - CIB
Bomberman Land Touch 2 - CIB
Cooking Mama's Combo Pack Volume 1 - CIB
Dokapon Journey - CIB
Elektroplankton - Nintendo Power insert
Etrian Odyssey 3 - CIB
Final Fantasy Fables Chocobo Tales - registration card
Harvest Moon DS - box, manual, all inserts
Infinite Space - game only
Izuna Legend of the Unemployed Ninja - CIB
Jewel Time Deluxe - box, manual
Korg DS10+ JP Limited Edition - CIB
Korg M01 JP - Club Nintendo insert
Magician’s Quest Mysterious Times - CIB
Maplestory DS Korean version - CIB
Master of Illusion - big box with outer inserts (I have the inner box complete and the trading cards in their box)
Metal Slug 7 - CIB with poster
Nanostray - CIB
Phantasy Star 0 - CIB
Plants vs Zombies - CIB big box version with ugly peashooter stylus
Pokemon Conquest - CIB
Robocalypse - game only
Shepherd's Crossing 2 - CIB
Space Invaders Extreme 2 - CIB
The Dark Spire - CIB with soundtrack
Wappy Dog - CIB or NIB with dog

GBA

Astro Boy Omega Factor - box, manual, all inserts
Car Battler Joe - manual
Drill Dozer - A Girl and Her Dozer Mini Comic (the one I have is ripped)
Final Fight One - box, manual, all inserts
Fire Emblem - loose or CIB
Fire Emblem the Sacred Stones - loose or CIB
Gunstar Super Heroes - box, manual, all inserts
Klonoa 2 Dream Champ Tournament - box, manual, all inserts
Mario Party-e - CIB
Mega Man Battle Chip Challenge - box, manual, all inserts
Metroid Zero Mission - box, manual, all inserts
Phantasy Star Collection - CIB
Sonic Advance + Sonic Pinball Party - box, manual, all inserts
Tales of Phantasia - box, manual, all inserts
Warioland 4 - box, manual, all inserts
Zone of the Enders the Fist of Mars - box, manual, all inserts

GBC

Kirby Tilt n Tumble - box, manual, all inserts
Legend of the River King - box, manual, all inserts
Legend of the River King 2 - box, manual, all inserts
Metal Gear Solid - box, manual, all inserts
Pocket Bomberman - box, all inserts (I have the manual)
Shantae - loose or CIB (fat chance I know)
Super Mario Bros Deluxe - box, manual, all inserts
Worms Armageddon - registration card, also might need a Nintendo Power booklet
Zelda Oracle of Ages / Seasons - boxes, manuals, all inserts

Clamshell plastic case for silver Game Boy Pocket (I have the console, manual, and consumer safety booklet)
Harvest Moon - registration card, Nintendo Power booklet
Ninja Boy 2 - CIB
Pokemon Yellow - CIB
Tetris - box, manual, all inserts
TMNT Fall of the Foot Clan - box, manual, all inserts

Wii

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption - CIB
The Last Story - soundtrack in sleeve

GameCube

Army Men Air Combat the Elite Missions - box
Baten Kaitos Origins - CIB
Mega Man Network Transmission - CIB
Mega Man X Command Mission - CIB with trading card
Metal Gear Solid the Twin Snakes - CIB
Phantasy Star Online Episode 1 and 2 Plus - CIB
Smuggler's Run War Zones - box
The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures - CIB

N64

N64 Expansion Pack with tool to open expansion slot, or Donkey Kong 64 box, tray, manual, etc with expansion pack included
Star Fox 64 box, tray, manual, etc. (I already have game and rumble pack)

SNES

Mario Paint - CIB

NES

Freedom Force - box, manual, etc
Gumshoe - box, manual, etc
Hogan's Alley - box, manual, etc
Mechanized Attack - box, manual, etc
RC Pro Am - box, manual, etc
Space Shuttle Project - box, manual, etc
Super Mario Bros / World Class Track Meet / Duck Hunt - box, manual, etc
Wild Gunman - box, manual, etc

PS3

Disgaea D2: A Brighter Darkness - disc

PS2

Godzilla Save the Earth - manual
Gradius 3 and 4 - CIB
Naval Ops Warship Gunner - manual
Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit 2 - black label disc
River King a Wonderful Journey - disc

PSX

Army Men: World War - disc only
Konami Justifier Lightgun(s)

Amiibo

Poochy loose
SSB Isabelle loose or NIB

Soundtracks

Club Nintendo Sound Selection 2: Loud Music
Club Nintendo Sound Selection 3: B-Side Music
Out Run (vinyl or CD box set)

Strategy Guides

Pokemon Sword / Shield
Super Mario RPG (Nintendo Power)
Zelda Oracle of Ages / Seasons (Nintendo Power)

I may also be willing to buy items in my wantlist. And if you see something you like of mine that you would rather buy than trade for, let me know and I will make a GameSale post.

D100 Futuristic Street Vendors

Anyone running a campaign knows the thrill of shopping episodes, and lining the streets of their cyberpunk metropolis with strange characters, interesting smells, and undercover police operatives looking to nab the party on racketeering charges.
Let's populate those streets!

D100	Street Vendor description
1	A man in a long leather overcoat beckons you into an alleyway. He looks back and forth, and then shows you his wares; the lining is covered head to toe in mewling robotic kittens and puppies.
2	The most delicious smell of fried food wafts your way, from a vendor selling tailored pheromones designed to attract anyone to even the dingy-est restaurant.
3	Vat-grown meat is harvested from the mycobaterial latticework in front of your eyes and blended, packed, and flash-cooked into a perfect, steaming chili dog.
4	The public VR booth is crowded with unpleasantly sweaty customers today. Better off stepping into a cafe...
5	Civil Cooperation Bureau operatives are conducting a "Random Cultural Integrity Sweep" in this hab-bloc today.
6	A bright, red-and-white sign catches your eye, along with the delicious smell of fried potato and something not-quite-potato. Pot-tine, THC-enhanced and ready to eat!
7	A bright eyed woman selling vintage Tamagotchi Keychains with real AI.
8	A group of 15 or so orange-garbed monks training in a courtyard. As you look over, each turns and steps in unison, and the footprints they leave in the concrete are distinct.
9	A friendly local Armadyne vending machine, graffitti'd and heavily used, still selling discount cybernetic replacement parts.
10	Quantum Casino lottery tickets are sold at a streetcorner stall. Randomness guaranteed or your money back!
11	A child missing a limb, or two, sits on a blanket covered with knock-off mindsense or holo-flicks. Most are the price of a meal or two. A dark looking man in the distance seems to keep an eye on how well the sales are going for some reason.
12	A chef runs a hovering meal truck. He's got two sets of smaller cybernetic limbs that come out of his sides and help him prep different meat on sticks. (Don't ask where the meat is from - it offends him).
13	An ice cream truck drives around town, with a old horn playing a static riddled tune. The song changes to tell buyers what he's peddling today. Most of the time it's guns of some type, but he'll sell ice cream as well... for the kids.
14	Julie Argomar - A blind woman that sells different knick-knacks and cheap jewelry. Her real trade is secrets for anyone that knows, and the jewelry is just how she keeps up looks.
15	Three men on a corner playing dominos. Anyone can join in the game. You just put down the right piece to indicate what you are buying (along with some creds to show you can cover the cost). One of the men will say "he's out," and give you his chair while he goes off and gets your package ready. You need to know the right domino and lingo to ask for something, or they will likely shoot you down.
16	A homeless man shows off knock-off robot toys. Some have almost the right name and the same features as the real thing. Each robot has a chip he can buy information off of and he's a well known data merchant, why he keeps up the homeless look is anyone's guess.
17	Shea Tolson - Corp from the look, through and through. Get's her hands on a lot of high end, second hand gear that she offloads cheap that she sells out of the trunk of her limo. Just don't say where you got it or you might get a follow-up from one of the wired guards that look over her at all times.
18	Mindy Loo - Cyber Geisha - She has attachments you've never seen for things you've never dreamed, or maybe you have? Always walking the streets when without a partner.
19	A burger joint that cuts off parts of the cow in front of you too use for their meals, and keeps healing them back to normal. (After awhile they retire the cow).
20	A ramen shop run by a large black robot with six spindly arms and a menacing red eye that rotates rapidly between different dishes. The sign on top simply reads "NOODLES".
21	A hacked and graffiti-covered tanklike military robot sits behind a vendor supposedly selling hacks/keygens for various types of robots. Just plug and wait. He may be lying. To his left and right, two guards wait, bored. This is a high-value good.
22	A man with dirt cheap cybernetics with a "Larry's Sanitation" jacket, beckons you into an alleyway. His left cybereye keeps scanning his surroundings madly while the right one is centred on you the whole time, he gesticulates enthusiastically towards his ancient van that he hid away. Inside the van are dozens of highest quality cyberdecks. Or at least they would be if not for the bullet holes, water damage and... other damages.
23	A man with a massive number of cybernetic arms sprouting from his back who will sell you any of them you want.
24	A short woman with a shaved head and an industrial-looking jumpsuit selling nutrient paste for surprisingly low prices. However, upon tasting the paste, you realize just why it's so cheap.
25	A robot selling "SenSations", small electronic components that allow robots, AI, and cyborgs to experience pre-designed scenarios, like a relaxing hour on the beach or a popular concert. They are not cheap, though.
26	Baxem LeBrot - A portly man with torn leather jacket and bowler hat calls out to you, his rough neck scruff is just as rough as his voice. His shop stall dwarfs in comparison to the nearby stalls. He sells "Lebrots" - hot-dog type food for cheap. You have no idea what they're made of, and he dodges questions relating to the matter. They smell good though.
27	A greasy looking potbellied bald man with unknown eye implants is standing in front of a crude sign reading " Vinny's Vintage Snuff Movies". A screen besides him is showing clips of the most gruesome and obscene videos he has.
28	A street busker plays in the middle of the way. If you pay him, he'll coyly play a few notes on an electronic instrument with purpose: decoding the sound pattern of that melody will reveal an unknown location in the city's underground. What could possibly be found here?
29	A broken Android is limping aimlessly through the streets. Repairing it's hardware and software will grant you his eternal gratitude, and he will serve you until death for that. However, he is so derelict it could be an expensive task.
30	A gorgeous woman with cats eyes and a neon Mohawk is handing flyers, inviting everbody and anybody to a STD fest (a swinger sex party to catch the most STDs possible, in order to develop imminuities to them. Very popular in certain circles)
31	Random bust by the police ( or equivalent) ! As they shut down an illicit street booth, three of them encircle you and demand to inspect all your wares, checking for anything illegal. They can easily be bribed for a hefty sum.
32	Some things never change. A portly, mustached New Yorker in a white apron selling hot dogs.
33	A short man with automated spectacles offering a series of crystals. He claims these alien rocks can do everything from charge your devices, to eliminate toxins from your body. Most of them are a crock, but a few of them feel almost electric to the touch.
34	A shady vendor that is trying to sell futuristic items of unknown purpose or origin, the items do look pretty captivating though. Upon buying the item and leaving the town, the item transforms into a block of wood. You have been swindled by an illusionist.
35	A custom knife maker operating out of the back of a cargo van. The blades are pre-fabricated in a number of lengths and styles, and the handles 3-d printed to be a perfect match for the buyer's hand. If you know the password, he'll make you a knife entirely from a special plastic; it won't take fingerprints, is biodegradable, and rapidly breaks down if exposed to common household cleaners.
36	An elderly man with a wide straw hat leers at you from a canoe floating in the sewerage canal on the side of the road. He probes amongst the floating refuse with a long oar while the vulture's head grafted onto his shoulder offers tiny paper parasols to passerbys.
37	An MLM lady on a bicycle selling individually packaged fetal animals in bespangled and see-through plastic uterus bags. You can request additional gen-mod customizations (purple, feathers, ports for electronic device interface) from a catalogue to personalize your eventual new pet.
38	A talking AI vending machine with human arms and feet (12 of them, no shoes or socks) that presses its own buttons when you tell it what you want to order. It makes nice conversation and keeps abreast of the current rumors in town.
39	A sex mod booth that sells exotic and extreme novelty body parts to make bedroom life more interesting. There's a black tent set up next to the booth.
40	A small rented corner shop bedecked with old-fashioned neon lights advertising beers that stopped production over a hundred years ago. The foggy-glasses vendor sells antique computers, vacuum tubes, adapter cables, long outdated data storage formats, and also knock-off watches. When not engaged with a customer or fixing old devices, the vendor plinks away making chiptunes on a soundboard that your great-great-grandfather would have considered out-of-date. Unsurprisingly the vendor can identify virtually any old computer part.
41	A floating sleek chrome hyper-fast food stand where you shout an order as you go by and a little robot chases after you and brings you your to-go bag and coffee and charges your card without you ever having to slow down. It's popular with the suited-up salary people who never separate from their business phones.
42	A small family running a hovering bright red pushcart overstuffed with giant fry breads, savory spices, kitsch lucky gifts, styrofoam containers of hard-to-find non-genetically engineered heirloom cooking peppers, chicken feet, and hanging whole roasted ducks. The food is delicious but absurdly spicy. The cart-owner family are part of one of those "amish-like" sects who don't believe in body modification or artificial foods.
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vintage casino chips for sale video

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List of Instagram business categories

GTA V recoveries [PC ONLY]

[USA-NJ] [H] Games for lots of systems, many loose boxes and manuals, Amiibo & collectibles [W] Various games, boxes and manuals including Infinite Space, Trine Series 1-3, Flinthook, Octopath Traveler

HAVES

Collectibles

WANTS

D100 Futuristic Street Vendors

vintage casino chips for sale video

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